You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
