is your mom at the bar?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
