dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
