Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
