yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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