if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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