I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
