Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
