I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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