Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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