Moan for me like Helen Keller
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
