This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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