Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
