My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
