my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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