Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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