yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
