I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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