I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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