I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
