i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Say something about gay babies.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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