smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
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dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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