How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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