4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
