In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
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I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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