Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
