I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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