I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
