Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
