Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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