It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
