Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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