She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
