Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
