Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
