hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
