I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
