I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
