it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
