i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
