HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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