So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
