I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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