I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
