so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
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If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he fucked my hip out of place.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
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I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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