She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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