It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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