I accidentally burped into my bong.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
