Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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