he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
