He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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