I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
