So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
