How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize