I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
