You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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