Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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