so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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