how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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