Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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