I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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