Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
