I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
