There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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