do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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