Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
