I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
